מטקות

Matkot is called Israel's Unofficial National Sport". Literally, it means "racquets", and comes from the plural of the Hebrew word מטקה, meaning racquet or paddle.

The racquets are traditionally made entirely of wood, although sometimes the handles are reinforced with a plastic covering. The head of a racquet may vary somewhat in size and shape. In Israel, the heads are essentially circular and a little less than a foot in diameter.

The standard ball used is the same ball as is used in squash. However, novice and intermediate players sometimes use a ball that is similar in size to a squash ball, but is lighter and/or bouncier.

It is also called Beach Tennis. A Brazilian version which uses slightly different racquets is more commonly known as frescoball.

The rules are simple: keep hitting the ball back and forth. In professional tournaments, the goal is to get as many hits as you can in three minutes, without dropping even once.

Bill O with Another Hard-Hitting Interview

Nuff said? Oh, yeah. I think so.



If you reilly don't get it...

A Modern Ethical Dilemma

So a man by the name of Chris C- used my email address for his Netflix account. This is very frustrating, as I get constant messages from Netflix about his efforts to reset passwords, change account settings, etc.

I actually logged in and changed the password. It turns out, he lives in Hemet, CA, not far from my sister in-law and her husband. He is "RETARIED", which, given his address and age, may mean "retired".

I called and left a message asking him to change his email, and explaining to what I had changed his password.

So here is the dilemma: how far am I allowed to go to make him change his account? I have added a poll so you can vote.

Also, on a totally unrelated note, what are the worst movies you can imagine someone sticking into your movie queue? And I don't just mean "Well, I didn't care for it much", I mean "Proof that Jesus Died in Vain" bad. I want movies so bad they become a by-word for 105 minutes of your life you will never get back and whose taint you may never purge from your soul, films which "sucked so bad that it made me question the validity of my own existence as a sentient being."

You know, just for curiosity's sake.

UPDATE: Chris C- changed the email. All that effort to convince Mindy to rub him out gently persuade him was obviously unnecessary.

Very Unexpected.

So, my friend's G-mail status said that she was "making a website". I said, jokingly, that if I had a website, I would call it "Isaac's Awesome Website".
Well, before I know it, she's made ME a website!
Great. I can barely keep up with Ten Sengi. Now I've got my own site to worry about.
I expect that in a few weeks it will fall into the Other-worldy horror of Never-Updated-Land, but for now, it's here.
Fortunately, it's one of those free website places, so my friend didn't have to pay to make it or anything.
Man, my own website...

Plants VS Zombies

Mom, Dad, Isaiah, and I have been playing a very fun (and funny) game lately called Plants VS Zombies. It is a very fun puzzle game, and by the time you finish adventure mode, the amount of other things you can do completely swamps you.
The Zombies and Plants did, however, manage to get along long enough to do one thing together...

I, Video Game?

So, Isaiah has been talking lately about how cool it would be to have a video (or computer) game about him. He says he'd call it "Isaiah Coleman's Cool Game for Attractive People" (a name which definitely does NOT have anything to do with one of our favorite computer games, "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People".)
At first, I thought it would be pretty cool, too.
Then I thought about what it would actually be like.
At the beginning of the game, you have to go to my shelf and grab a book. Then you would walk to the bedroom and click, "use BOOK with ISAAC on BED."
The next 5-and-a-half hours of the game would be me...reading. And sometimes going to the bathroom.
Then, if you wait for 5-and-a-half hours, there would be more stuff you have to do. You have to walk to the kitchen, and perform the action, "use ISAAC'S RIGHT HAND with FORK on FOOD."
Then an hour of eating and pleasant conversation.
Then sleeping for 10 hours.
Then you win.
The sequel would have the unbelievable excitement of going to school.
Unbelievably BORING UN-excitement!
I mean, I don't really mind going to school, and my teacher's awesome and fun, but it's not video game material.
So, I guess my video game won't be coming out for a while.
But check out this pixelated box art!

Congress: Taking Care of You

The Real Kung Fu Jews

... and the not-so real...

Dead, but Not Off-Line

The Apocalypse may be overdue, but at least it will not prevent e-mail.

For example, there is the Harwich, Mass.-based Web site YouveBeenLeftBehind.com (whose link I accidentally forgot to include) promises to save your advice for relatives and friends whom you fear might not make it to Heaven should the end of the world occur.

The computer system is designed to detect the Rapture: A group of several faithful families, geographically dispersed, log into the system daily, and their failure to do so trips the switch. In that event, the system presumes those families were taken up in the Rapture, and sends out your last-chance advice to a list of 60 or more addressees.

Several hundred customers have signed up to pay $14.95 per year, since the site launched a year ago.

"I did set up a message to go to my wife," said Mark Heard, founder of the site. "She was the inspiration for the whole thing because she's not really on board with me in this belief."

Overall, funeral directors expect baby boomers will attempt to create a vibrant online life after death, especially Facebook, which I refuse to join, despite the fact that most of my extended family is using it to the exclusion of telling me what is going on in their lives.

The Apocalypse...with a side of Bacon?!?

Dad, perhaps your hope for the apocalypse has finally come true.
Recently, as we learned at EL, there has been an epidemic of Swine Flu in Israel, Canada, Mexico, and many other places. The United States seems to be one of the few places where it is not hitting hard, though, so don't worry. However, many fear that this will be the biggest pandemic since smallpox.
My friends, who have teased me so long about how terrible it is fro me that I can't eat bacon, now call me lucky.
That, to me, is the biggest indication that something is very wrong.
Swine Flu mostly affects those with weak immune systems, such as very young children and the elderly.
I am a twelve-year-old non-pig eater, so I'm not too worried about it.
Are you?

Encore--one more time!

At school, my fellows* and I are performing a music program called "Encore--The music of our times." It has fifty songs, with seven acts, and we have dances for each and every song.
I really wanted to have the solo for Spinning Wheel, by Blood, Sweat, and Tears, but instead, I'm singing I Want to Hold Your Hand, by the Beatles. It worked out, though, because I'm paired with one of my best friends. Yes, there are only two Beatles. There were originally going to be four, but they changed that. Our music teacher says that it's because, in their later years, there were only two Beatles. However, I have a suspicion that it has something to do with the fact that only two of us tried out for the quartet.
I assume Mom will be taking pictures that we can put on the site, but we'll see how that goes.

*=fellow fifth and sixth graders, that is

For What‽

The Kansas City Chiefs have traded Tony Gonzales, the best tight end in the business, to the Atlanta Falcons Tony Gonzalez for a draft pick next year. A second-round draft pick.

On Tuesday, the Chefs signed unrestricted free-agent TE Sean Ryan, and announced they have waived OT Andrew Carnahan, LB Curtis Gatewood and WR Kevin Robinson.

In related news, it would appear that new Chefs general manager Scott Pioli has apparently traded mascot KC Wolf for a couple of brats, and the entire cheer squad for "a really cool grill".

"This was a bad move by the Chiefs," says ESPN.com's Bill Williamson, "And it was a move that makes it difficult to believe they will be improved in 2009 because of it."

The Chefs insisted they also improved their chances for success in 2009 by making the trade, but all I can say is "Great Googaly Moogaly."

UPDATE: Joe Posnanski says it all:

And when the Chiefs announced the deal Thursday, I just kept thinking back to the way he would tuck away the ball every time he caught it. It's the simplest thing, the most basic fundamental, but I've never seen anyone else do it every time the way Gonzalez does. Through good and bad, through wins and too many losses, through contract squabbles and record-breaking days, he always tucked the ball away.

There really isn't much more you can ask of a man.

Woman Without Man

What would women look like without men? I believe science has given us some idea.

Experts have discovered a South American species that is exclusively female and reproduces asexually by cloning the queen. Reproduction without sex is fairly common in the ant world, but the Mycocepurus smithii is the first known to be a male-free species.

And aren't they lovely little ladies? Don't you just want to pucker up?
No? You don't want to kiss that face?

Then we had better keep buying bicycles for fish.

We Will Rock You

Featuring:

• Atari 800XL was used for the lead piano/organ sound
• Texas Instruments TI-99/4a as lead guitar
• 8 Inch Floppy Disk as Bass
• 3.5 inch Harddrive as the gong
• HP ScanJet 3C for all vocals.

They can also take you to Funkytown.

One Turkey of a Honeymoon

"She was so excited she teared up," the groom said.And wouldn't you?

Bruce and Rene Thompson of Louisville, Tennessee, dated for roughly a year-and-a-half, trying such things as turkey hunting, deep sea fishing, deer hunting, her first hunt for shed antlers, and finally decided to get married.

They went to Jamaica for the wedding, which is good, then came back to East Tennessee in time for opening day of turkey season. Which is bad.

Turkey hunting as the honeymoon is a sign the Apocalypse is overdue.

Pronounce This

There is a lake in the town of Webster, Massachusetts. It is located near the Connecticut border, is 3-miles long, 1-mile wide, and has a surface area of 1,442 acres.

Although commonly called Webster Lake, the name recognized by the U.S. Department of the Interior is Lake Chaubunagungamaug. The Algonquian-speaking peoples who are the first known residents of the area had several different names for the lake - such as "Chabanaguncamogue" and "Chaubanagogum" - as recorded on old maps and historical records. However, all of these were similar in part and had almost the same translation: "fishing place at the boundary".

But there is another name, meaning approximately "Englishmen at Manchaug at the fishing place at the boundary". This delightful moniker was applied in the 19th century when White people built factories in the area.

The most common spelling of this is Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg. Spelled with 45 letters, it is the longest place name in the United States and 6th longest in the world.

An even longer, 49-letter version of the name, "Chargoggagoggmanchauggauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg" has been used, but is basicaly just showing off. Also, the tongue-in-cheek translation "You Fish on Your Side, I Fish on My Side, Nobody Fish in the Middle" is totally spurious - coming as it does from a humorous article Larry Daly, editor of The Webster Times, wrote around 1916. Equally farcical is the tale of the half-drowned Indian.

So, give a try pronouncing Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg and then enjoy a clip of these locals trying it.

Richard D. Cazeault, president of the nonprofit Webster Lake Association, is first, and I would swear he gets it wrong, but that may just be the wind in the mic.

And if you think it is hard to pronounce, you should try to spell it.

But DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK unless you want the Lake Song stuck in your head.

Trek Yourself

Madden Retires

John Madden is retiring. Yea!

He will be replaced by Cris Collinsworth. No!

Actually, I should be nice. Madden needed to retire more than Bret Favre, but he certainly brought a lot to the game. I do not question or claim his knowledge of the game or his insight. Honestly, I learned a lot about football from Madden.

This fall will be the first time since Madden's freshman year of high school that he won't be involved in football as a player, coach or analyst. That was, apparently, in the Mesozoic.

Unfortunately, in recent years, it seems harder and harder to watch him. There has been a lot more wandering, meandering, non-sensical ramblings, and less actually paying attention to the game.

Robert Thompson, director of the Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University says this: "I would not call John the most articulate or analytical mind, but he brought to a football broadcast knowledge and fun that worked even if you didn't care about the game. He was a vaudevillian in the booth."

Not to mention the ridiculous food, or the turducken, which gives me the heeby-jeebies.

As for his replacement, perhaps the least flamboyant wide-receiver in the NFL and the most bland color commentator in the business...

I will sure miss Madden.

Journalism

Here in Kansas City, we find ourselves situated between two of the finest journalism schools in the nation. Which does nothing to explain why the Kansas City Star is such a worthless rag.

However, there are places where the fine art of journalism is still practiced, in Fiji, for example.

Fiji's military ruler Frank Bainimarama has cracked down on the press, posting censors in the offices of newspapers and radio and television stations, ordering foreign journalists out of the country, and shutting down the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's radio transmitters. The Fiji Daily Post newspaper has apparently decided to respond in the most appropriate way I can imagine.

Headlines in Wednesday's edition included Man gets on bus, Breakfast as usual, and Paint Dry.

"It just went on wet, but after about four hours, it started to dry".

"That was when I realised, paint dries," the young scholar observed.

Fiji Daily Post asked Max if he intended to do more painting.

"Oh yes," he replied, "I like watching paint dry."

To be honest, we can get reporting this good, locally, but with less justification. Also, the Star's writing is not usually this gripping:

Staff gasped with delight when Fiji Daily Post receptionist Lupe said her breakfast was a cup of latte coffee along with toasted currant bread...

Volunteer attachment Tim said he threw up for breakfast as he had had too much fried chicken the night before.

In truth, though, it is hard to top the first story:

What happened next was a remarkable feat – the man actually got on the bus, we believe.

Students from a local school who had been waiting for two hours in the rain for the bus also confirmed that they saw the man board.

"We are happy for him", one student remarked in terms reminiscent of Neil Armstrong (the first man to step onto the moon): "it may be one small step for him, but it is one giant step for the people of Fiji".

How effective was the coverage?

The following day, Fiji military's did an abrupt about-face on media freedom, at least for internationals.

Meanwhile, harsh media censorship is still in place for local journalists, who must have stories vetted by government officials and have been warned against any negative portrayals of the Government. And, while you can read the local news section on-line, efforts are under way to prevent residents or tourists of Fiji from sharing that privilege.

PS. Despite its illustrious history, the Star is pathetic. I may know the reason.

However, it does have Joe Posnanski.

Election Humor

This is totally untopical, but very apt.

And I really don't care for meatloaf.

Breaking Matzah

Did you ever wonder how to cleanly break Matzah in half? Apparently, the Japanese are marketing a wonder tool for it.

Maybe this will go well with the Passover Sushi.

Happy 過越

At Least the Cell Phone Worked

A  Kissimmee woman called 911 to say she was locked inside her car.  Yes, inside.

"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said.  "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well.  I need some help"

Listen: Woman locked inside car calls 911 Audio

Once freed from the hellish death-trap by the quick-thinking dispatcher who recommended she manually pull the lock up on the door, the woman decided to call AAA.

It's moments like this which make me recommend emergency kits like this or this .

Sincerely,
Christopher Coleman

"If only we rabbis, ministers and priests were also rewarded for failure! Given the way atheism is increasing in America, we'd all get huge bonuses."
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

don't mess with mother-in-law

A desperate husband tried to kill his mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile launcher after claiming she'd turned his wife against him. When his mother-in-law survived the rocket attack on her home, he tried to finish her off with a machine gun.

Bosnian Miroslav Miljici wanted revenge after blaming his wife's mum for the break-up of his marriage.

Miljici told the court he could no longer take his mother-in-law's nagging, but was jailed for six years for attempted murder, anyway.

His mother-in-law survived both attacks with barely a scratch.

Sud Smugglers

Otherwise law-abiding people in Spokane, Wash., are turning into dishwater-detergent smugglers.

Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation's strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. Unfortunately, the eco-friendly detergent varieties required under Washington state law simply do not work as well.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe's left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand.

The main cleaning agent in many detergents and household cleaners is the phosphates which break down grease and remove stains. This, boys, is why washing dishes without soap is not, actually, washing dishes.

The bad news is that the chemicals are difficult to remove in wastewater treatment plants and often wind up in rivers and lakes, where they promote the growth of algae which consume the oxygen in the water that fish need to survive.

Phosphates have been banned in laundry detergent nationally since 1993. This led to a surge in detergent additives and harsher wash cycles, but you can't beat the dishes harder, simply because your dish soap lacks phosphates.

Nevertheless, environmental protection legislation marches on, relentlessly. Washington was the first state where the Legislature passed a ban against dishwasher detergents, in 2006, but others are following. The Washington ban is being phased in, starting with Spokane County.

While traditional detergents are up to 9 percent phosphate, those sold in Spokane County can contain no more than 0.5 percent. The industry has been working to develop better low-phosphate detergents, said Dennis Griesing, vice president of the Soap and Detergent Association, which represents manufacturers.

However, the problem is hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap. It renders the current low-phosphate detergents next to worthless, leading many Spokane residents to shop somewhat farther afield.

"I'm not hearing a lot of positive feedback," conceded Shannon Brattebo (pictured), secretary of the Washington Lake Protection Association, a prime mover of the ban. "I think people are driving to Idaho."

Steve Marcy, manager of the Costco in Coeur d'Alene, about 10 miles east of the Washington state line, estimated that sales of dishwasher detergent in his store have increased 10 percent.

"I'll joke with them and ask if they are from Spokane," said Marcy, who knows where the customers are coming from. "They say, 'Oh yeah.'"

The ban applies to the sale of phosphate detergent — not its use or possession — so the good Washingtonians who are smuggling in soap do not risk jail time.

Still, perhaps it is time to admit, you cannot legislate an overdue Apocalypse.

Lucky You Were Open

This is an Israeli McDonalds commercial.

Passover Tequila Story

Now observant Jews can have their own Tequila story.

Welcome to Spring

Spring has sprung, and its first day dropped a lot of snow on Kansas. So much, in fact, that the roof over a Hutchinson school's cafeteria has collapsed under the weight of at least 6 feet of snow.

Fire Chief Mike Patterson said snow drifted from the higher roof atop the school's gym onto the cafeteria roof, causing it to buckle under the load of snow. About a 30-by-50-foot portion of the roof collapsed into the cafeteria. If the roof collapse had happened during school hours, Patterson said, the situation "could have been tragic."

Several other roofs collapsed in that area, though we only lost the budding tree branches around here.

Must be this global warming thing we've heard so much about.

We Want the Apocalypse

The world has waited long enough; Apocalypse must come before the remake of "The Three Stooges".

The remake will be produced by the creators of such comedy classics as Osmosis Jones, Me, Myself & Irene, and Kingpin, not to mention Say It Isn't So.

Sean Penn is set to play Larry and Benicio Del Toro is being considered to play Moe. Jim Carrey is in negotiations to play Curly; he plans to gain 40 pounds, but we have not heard if he plans to die during filming, as Curly and Shemp Howard did. Larry Fine also suffered a stroke while filming. Maybe the remake will die early, too.

There is no word, yet, on who will play fake Shemp.

Listen, if two out of three Stooges couldn't make it work, what makes the Farrelly brothers think they have a chance?

Creme That Egg!

Interesting Posters from Africa

AllPosters.com actually has some very interesting posters from the land I grew up in.

Congo - Panoramic Map

Close-up of Details on Colorful Currency with Lettering from Zaire

Victoria Falls - Zimbabwe

Of Box Sets and Realpolitik

You know what sucks? Flying all the way to Washington for a high-profile meeting with the U.S. president only to get the cold shoulder. You know what's worse? Getting him a rare and thoughtful gift and getting a bunch of DVDs in return. You know what's even worse than that? Not even being able to watch the DVDs.

The Telegraph reports:

While not exactly a film buff, Gordon Brown was touched when Barack Obama gave him a set of 25 classic American movies – including Psycho, starring Anthony Perkins on his recent visit to Washington.

Alas, when the PM settled down to begin watching them the other night, he found there was a problem.

The films only worked in DVD players made in North America and the words "wrong region" came up on his screen. Although he mournfully had to put the popcorn away, he is unlikely to jeopardise the special relationship – or "special partnership", as we are now supposed to call it – by registering a complaint.

...A White House spokesman sniggered when I put the story to him and he was still looking into the matter when my deadline came last night.

Talk About a Bad Day

Mama never said there would be days like this.

Filer, Idaho, emergency crews rescued an an unidentified man who thought he lost his keys in the toilet of a U.S. Highway 30 rest area, climbed in to find them, and got stuck.

Filer police, Filer Fire Department, Filer Quick Response and a paramedic from St. Luke's Magic Valley Medical Center responded to a 911 call by another driver that stopped and found the situation. Filer Police Chief Cliff Johnson tells the story.

Thinking his keys had fallen in the tank, the man removed a round plastic cover at the base of the toilet and climbed in to find them. Once inside he was unable to pull himself out, and waited until someone else arrived. At least 10 emergency response personnel responded to the 911 call and eventually got the man out through an access hole used to pump the waste out of the tank.

It was while the man - who chose not to give his name, for obvious reasons - was washing off with the fire truck hose when he made another painful discovery.

The keys were still in his back pocket.

Everything's amazing, nobody's happy

Comedian Luis C.K. has a point.

Sign the Apocalypse Is Overdue # 12,784

There is nothing good about this.

And where do snakes go when they get tired of the river? A sofa!

"Serving the Needs of Decision Makers"

Villar Raposso was crowned the national winner Saturday in the dramatic Mexican playoff final of the "Rock, Paper, Scissors" tournament, paving the way for a trip to Canada and the world championship title of the World RPS Society.

You may not have known that there is a World RPS Society, that it has a world championship, or that there is even The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide.

Silly you.

In fact there is another, unaffiliated league, the USA Rock Paper Scissors League.

You may even believe that RPS is a stupid thing to have tournaments in, but Christie's International and Sotheby's Holdings might just disagree.

In 2205, when Takashi Hashiyama, CEO of a Japanese television equipment manufacturer, decided to auction off the collection of Impressionist paintings owned by his corporation and worth more than $20 million, he contacted the two leading U.S. auction houses for their proposals on how they would bring the collection to the market as well as how they would maximize the profits from the sale. Both firms made elaborate proposals, but neither was persuasive enough to get Hashiyama's business.

Unwilling to split up the collection into separate auctions, Hashiyama asked the firms to decide between themselves who would hold the auction, but they were unable to reach a decision.

Hashiyama told the two firms to play RPS, to decide who would get the rights to the auction.

"I sometimes use such methods when I cannot make a decision," Hashiyama said. "As both companies were equally good and I just could not choose one, I asked them to please decide between themselves and suggested to use such methods as rock, paper, scissors."

explaining that "it probably looks strange to others, but I believe this is the best way to decide between two things which are equally good".

The auction houses had a weekend to come up with a choice of move.

Christie's employees in New York said Kanae Ishibashi, the president of Christie's in Japan, spent the weekend researching the psychology of the game online and talking to friends, including Nicholas Maclean, the international director of Christie's Impressionist and modern art department.

Mr. Maclean's 11-year-old twins, Flora and Alice, turned out to be the experts Ms. Ishibashi was looking for. They play the game at school, Alice said, "practically every day."

"Everybody knows you always start with scissors," she added. "Rock is way too obvious, and scissors beats paper." Flora piped in. "Since they were beginners, scissors was definitely the safest," she said, adding that if the other side were also to choose scissors and another round was required, the correct play would be to stick to scissors - because, as Alice explained, "Everybody expects you to choose rock."

In this, they echoed master RPS strategists who recognize that "Rock is for Rookies".

"The client was very serious about this," said Jonathan Rendell, a deputy chairman of Christie's in America who was involved with the transaction. "So we were very serious about it, too."

Sotheby's said that they treated it as a game of chance and had no particular strategy for the game, but went with "paper". The fools.

Christie's won the match, with millions of dollars of commission for the auction house.

While the game is often dismissed as amounting to simple chance, the charge is dispelled by RPS fans with one of their mantras: "To the beginner the choices are few; to the expert the choices are many."

Stimulating

Comedians looking a lot like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi held a press conference on the stimulus bill on Saturday Night Live.  The real Senate Majority Leader and Speaker of the House have just put through some of the worst "sausage" Washington has ever ground out.<

As Jack Cafferty notes, "It's really too bad President Obama couldn't figure out a way to jettison these two who are poster children for everything that is wrong in Washington."

A Video

This is a funny video that, believe it or not, was shown to me by my art teacher.

E.L.

This will be hard to explain, but here I go! Today was my first day at E.L. E.L. stands for Enhanced Learning. I had to do a tour at the start of the day because I was new. I than had Base group which is basically working on your goals. Than we have mini courses where we get taught some stuff. I had Mrs. Healey for Mini course 1. She taught Archeology. I made a frend on the bus. His name is Nicholas. We had fun talking on the bus. E.L. is for the really smart people. All in all it was great!

There is No Reason To Panic

The frozen remains of mice injected with the plague are missing from a University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey facility in Newark.

"UMDNJ has no reason to believe that this situation poses a risk to the safety or health of UMDNJ staff or the community at large," the university said in its prepared statement.

After all, it was almost certainly incompetence, not terrorism, or anything.

In September 2005, the same lab discovered three live mice infected with plague missing from multiple cages. Officials then said the animals had likely died.

In the December incident, which the FBI investigated, it has been decided that the bag containing the two missing mice -- infected with the bacterium Yersinia pestis, which causes bubonic and other forms of plague -- was frozen to another bag and both bags were sterilized and incinerated simultaneously.

"I'm confident we run a safe and secure facility. We run a first-rate operation, and we will be out of business fast if people don't believe we have credibility," David Perlin, the director of the Public Health Research Institute, said. "We have very strict controls. Safety. Security. Everything. But you're always running the risk of even a very small minor incident, which is what this is."

Guessing Game

Can you guess what this machine does?

Post your thoughts in the comments.

Um, No Thanks, I'm Not Hungry Any More

Guess what we won't be having on Sunday!

That's Just Super!

Ah, Joe.

Here's the story: On April 26, 2003, the Kansas City Chiefs had the 16th pick in the NFL draft. The Chiefs had just finished one of the oddest seasons in the history of professional football. They had led the NFL in scoring — the whole NFL. They had scored 121 more points than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who won the Super Bowl. They had scored more points than the Dallas Cowboys and Houston Texans combined. That’s not all. They had lost only two fumbles the whole season. That's an NFL record.

How many victories would you expect from a team that scores more points than any other team and loses just two fumbles? Well, the Chiefs did not win that many. They won eight games and lost eight games. No team has ever done so little with so much.

How did the Chiefs pull that off? Easy. They played terrible defense all year long. The Chiefs’ offense scored 38 in New England; the defense gave up 41. The offense scored 34 at San Diego; the defense gave up 35. The Chiefs lost 37-34 to Denver at home and 39-32 up in Seattle. There were no mysteries. The Chiefs had to improve that defense.

So there they were with the 16th pick in the NFL draft. And Chiefs general manager Carl Peterson and his coach Dick Vermeil looked closely at the board — and they simply did not see a defensive player worth taking in that spot. Not one. "I would have gone defense," Vermeil said afterward. "Yeah. But I understand the process."

So when the Pittsburgh Steelers called and said they wanted to trade up into the Chiefs' slot — the Steelers had the 29th pick overall — well, the Chiefs were thrilled. They could trade down and get a little bit extra for the effort. They happily made the trade. And with the Steelers' pick, they took running back Larry Johnson, who has had his great moments and his awful moments but, of course, does not play defense.

The Steelers, using the Chiefs' pick, selected Troy Polamalu, who might be the best defensive player in the NFL.

Pictures Needed

There is a reason I have never doubted the existence of evil in the world, and the reason is Ace Virtueson.

I am wondering if anyone has pictures of the gang, Racer, Pudge, Booker, Sandy, Christi, Mariam, Pastor Alltruth...

Also, there is a rumor there are mixed-race comics, now, but I don't believe it. I don't think Ace is that tolerant.

Inauguration Day...Otherwise known as More Politics

Today the 44th president of the United States of America was sworn in.
Mom had told me that I probably didn't have to worry about my friends getting obsessed over Obama's victory or McCain's loss today. And for I minute, I almost believed that, maybe, I would go through the day without having to trudge through any politics.

Boy, was I wrong.

It started with the girl who came to school in all black. When I asked (full of tact and politeness of course) "Hey! Did someone die or somethin'?" She responded that it was inauguration day, and she was mourning that our nation was going into "The Dark Ages".
It continued with the class optimist who came in almost in tears. (Partially because of Obama, and partially because he had forgotten his homework.)
There was one kid, who shall remain nameless, was ranting and raving about Obama and how terrible he was. Eventually I asked them to tell me what was so bad about him. They stood around, with brilliant insights like "um" and "er" and "ah" and eventually said "Because he's Obama!" and left.
We watched Obama and Biden get sworn in at school. For a while we watched it on a channel that had no commentary...and then we switched over to Fox.
And that was pretty disturbing.
After hearing about how the menu for the Inagural lunch was the most fascinating bit of news today, we got to see some incredible technological know-how, as one commentator said, "Now this should be a shot of the inside of the White House" and ended up showing us some helicopter that he couldn't quite identify.
I am not making this stuff up
We also watched Obama's speech.
And I thought it was pretty impressive, actually.
And maybe, Obama will have enough supporters that he can inspire America in ways that have not been seen since Reagen was president.
And...maybe he'll be another George Bush.
All I know is: Today is today, and now is now, and if I keep thinking about the future I'm going to forget to brush my teeth and get in trouble.

One Froggy Evening

Kiss Off

Imagine my horror, yesterday afternoon, when my favorite radio station appeared to have flipped formats while I was listening to it.

Imagine how lousy it felt to wake up not to music I actually enjoy but to a studio full of syndicated idiots laughing at their own not-particularly-funny jokes.

Imagine the contempt in which Kansas City must hold for whichever moron decided what this market really needs is yet another "Hot Contemporary" station with a bunch of syndicated programs. Who decided what KC really wants is another Mix 93.3 or KUDL 98.1 or Star 102.1 or Lazer 105.9 or K-Jo 105-5 or Majic 107.7, only without any local flavor? And doesn't Entercom own several of those already?

Wait, I see, the new 99.7 KISS-FM will offer Kansas City "a blend of starpower, celebrity access, pop culture and today's hit music." Or should we be impressed that it is aimed at women?

Bringing John Cook from Philly to be program director for this and the country station? Hey, being a PD cannot be that hard, right? Plus, at least he knows a market, right? I'm sure he has a chart that will help him.

I was going to ask Entercom to bring the Boulevard back, but, frankly, I don't care enough. And, by the time Entercom realizes it made a mistake, I'll have found something else, and won't want to bother changing my pre-sets back.

Thanks a lot!

This is a post for everyone who gave Isaiah birthday and Chanukkah money:
This is what he bought:

This is the Nerf Vulcan EBF-25. This is a dart gun of massive proportions. It is the first ever fully-automatic Nerf blaster. It comes with a tripod and can shoot up to three darts per second. It is the chain gun of dart blasters.
And who do you think is the number one target for this piece of modern machinery?
That's right.
The big brother.
...
ME!
So, to everyone who gave Isaiah the money to buy this thing, I ask you, from the bottom of my heart, to stick with LEGOs next year.

Sign the Apocalypse Is Overdue # 12,747

Please observe the following bit of lunacy work of art in which a man places firecracker-stuffed bananas on his face and lights them one by one.

Think Globally, Act Locally by Brooklyn-based complete nutter artist William Lamson

As the Metro.co.uk put it:

What elevates it to greatness, beyond the whole banana-head explody thing, is the care and delicacy with which he rearranges the tattered banana fronds after they've been splashed across his face. It's clear that there is method here, a deliberate movement towards an essential yet unattainable goal of exploding-banana perfection. It is not the result that elevates it to the realms of greatness; it is the striving to constantly improve, to perfect, to reach for the giddy heights of transcendence that lurk forever beyond mortal reach.

There is, unfortunately, much more at his site, but we cannot be responsible for lost IQ points if you watch any of it.
Important Note: If either of the boys try this, they will pay their own medical bills, because I am not going to explain to the insurance that my brilliant son covered his head with exploding bananas. And if they survive, I'll make them wish the Apocalypse had come in time.

Some Kindly Advice

So on Friday afternoon, I was cleaning off our stovetop. It had gotten extremely filthy, so I was having to use a lot of elbow grease to try to clean it. Isaiah was watching me and asking about the methods I was using: the sponges, scrub brushes, and cleaning fluids I was using to try to loosen the burnt in crud. After a while, my 9 year old son said to me, "You know, Mommy, maybe you should clean the stove every day, and then it wouldn't be so difficult to clean. It's like the way Isaac and I keep the table in our playroom clean every day, so we never have a huge mess on it to clean up." I could barely keep a straight face as I thanked him for his idea. He doesn't seem to remember that it was my idea in the first place. I don't know how many times I've told the boys to keep their table/closet/playroom/bedroom/whatever cleaned up every day so it's easier than having to clean up a huge mess later. Apparently, it has sunk in, but Isaiah has forgotten the source.

And I guess it would be a good idea. Excuse me while I go clean the stove while it still isn't a huge mess...

Prom Dress Rugby

If you think the NFL is tough, check out Prom Dress Rugby.

"not half as beautiful"

On this day in 1493, explorer Christopher Columbus, sailing near the Dominican Republic, saw three "mermaids" like the ones pictured. He described them as "not half as beautiful as they are painted."

Empirical Evidence that Cats Are Bullies

Watch in horror as a dedicated researcher demonstrates that cats are, by nature, saboteurs and bullies.
True love may last forever, but cats are evil.

The Toll

This is a very frank video from Dana, a young woman living in Sderot who described in July her experiences with rockets.

Dana explains how it feels to live with a fifteen-second warning of death-by-rocket for eight years.

I don't expect anyone who doesn't live here to understand what it's like, but I think it's important for people to know the reality of what we are living through. Because it's difficult, and even when it's quiet, I'm still afraid.

I'm afraid of listening to music while I'm in the shower 'cause what happens if won't hear the alarm. And I'm afraid of driving in the car in the kibbutz with the windows closed because what happens if won't hear the alarm. And I'm afraid of my brother and sister being at home because there's nowhere to run if the alarm will go off.

And I just wish we could live a normal life and be happy and enjoy each other's company and I could enjoy my job.

But it's very, very difficult.

Dana recorded this in July 2008. After Hamas kept shooting rockets and mortars at Israeli civilian targets, Dana asked Zionist Organization of America (ZOA) to post her testimony on YouTube.

If you can watch it and remain unmoved, I question your humanity.

--
Originally posted By Christopher to For Zion's Sake

This Cannot Go On

"There is no deeper pain you can ever express than betrayal from someone who you loved and devoted your whole life to," said Dr. Richard Batista his estranged wife, Dawnell. "And I saved her life."

Batista, a surgeon at Nassau University Medical Center, has been embroiled in a nearly four-year divorce proceeding, and is obviously feeling the frustration.

He also claims to be feeling the loss.

Of his kidney.

Which he happily donated to Mrs. Batista in June 2001.

He still recalls the day after the surgery took place.

There is no greater feeling on this planet. As G~d is my witness, I felt as if I could put my arm around Jesus Christ. It was an unbelievable; I was walking on a cloud.

To this day I would still do it again.

"My first priority was to save her life," Batista said at a news conference in Garden City, New York. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."

She might have been eternally grateful, having had two failed transplants, already, but she filed for divorce in July 2005. Furthermore, Dr. Batista claims she began having an extramarital affair 18 months to two years after receiving the kidney transplant.

"Our judges are not willing to value such assets, so to speak."
- Manhattan attorney Susan MossOf course, she cannot give him back the kidney itself, so he is merely demanding wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him.

"The good doctor is out of luck and out a kidney," Manhattan attorney Susan Moss said. "This is similar to cases where a husband wants to be repaid for the cost of breast implants and the such. Our judges are not willing to value such assets, so to speak."

The Batistas were married on August 31, 1990, and have three children, now ages 14, 11 and 8. We certainly hope they work things out, as it is unlikely she will find another man of that kidney.

The editors would like to assure our audience that the author of that last joke was punished with the sort of severe blow to the lower back which is illegal in boxing.

Sign the Apocalypse Is Overdue # 12,741

A 6-year-old in Northumberland County, Virginia missed his bus. His mother was sleeping, so he decided to be responsible for himself.

He grabbed his mother's car keys and got behind the wheel of the family sedan. He made it about ten and a half miles before crashing a mile from his school.

As all of this was going on, the boy's father - David Dodson, 40 - was at work and his mother - Jaqulyn Waltman, 26 - was at home sleeping.

Now, I am not posting this as proof the Apocalypse is overdue because both parents have been arrested and charged with felony child neglect. Nor even because the boy and his younger brother have been placed in protective custody. Nor even as a warning of what will happen to either of my boys who tries to drive my car.

No, I am writing this because of where the boy learned to drive.

"He was asked by the investigator how he'd learned how to drive," said Sheriff Chuck Wilkins of the Northumberland County Sheriff's Office, "and he stated that he played a lot of video games like Grand Theft Auto and monster trucks."

Sign the Apocalypse Is Overdue # 12,739

Headteacher Linda Kingdon may be criminally insane, or she may be that strange and nearly inexcusable breed known as "an educator":

We decided we didn't want to use the word 'school'.

One reason was many parents of children here had very negative connotations of school.

Instead we want this to be a place for family learning.

There are no bells or locked doors. We wanted to de-institutionalise the place and bring the school closer to real life.

The £6 million "learning experience" in Sheffield, South Yorks, called Watercliffe Meadow, is therefore known as a "Place for Learning" because staff say "school" has a negative impact on some mums and dads.

Fortunately, not everyone in the vicinity is a complete nutter.

Local mom Kimberley Dunne, 26, said: "A school is a school. Seriously. The word 'school' doesn't have negative connotations, it's just where you go. A school’s always been a school, why change it?"

Marie Clair, of the Campaign for Plain English, said: "It's laughable. Do they think by changing the name they will change the environment? We all know what the building is. There is this whole political correctness agenda."

She added: "Using unfamiliar words instead of a simple one, like 'school', will get in the way of children's ability to learn."

Andrew Sangar, Sheffield Council cabinet member for children's services, said: "It's a school. We consider it a school and that's how we refer to it."

Meanwhile, Kingdon encourages all 481 pupils, from nursery to Year 6, to wear slippers instead of shoes, while their minds grow as soft as their soles.

I vote we check the staff for Krillitanes.

Ready or Not

In the New Year

It may be a new year, but the Apocalypse is still overdue.

Outside Truett's Grill - which is apparently a Chik-fil-a with delusions of grandeur in McDonough, Georgia, slightly South of Atlanta - thousands of people came to ring in New Year's Eve. Instead of watching the traditional, giant, Times Square crystal ball, they watched a giant chicken nugget drop into a vat of dipping sauce.

The 6-foot-tall, 800-pound nugget is actually plaster and vat is filled with syrup and food coloring meant to resemble honey mustard, and promptly inspired hack journalists to use the phrase "may have looked good enough to eat".

Other entertainment included a fire-eating magician, bungee jumping, a caricature artist, and musicians.

If this item makes you hungry, you may order online, but I suspect most of our readers are out of the delivery range.