This Cannot Go On

"There is no deeper pain you can ever express than betrayal from someone who you loved and devoted your whole life to," said Dr. Richard Batista his estranged wife, Dawnell. "And I saved her life."

Batista, a surgeon at Nassau University Medical Center, has been embroiled in a nearly four-year divorce proceeding, and is obviously feeling the frustration.

He also claims to be feeling the loss.

Of his kidney.

Which he happily donated to Mrs. Batista in June 2001.

He still recalls the day after the surgery took place.

There is no greater feeling on this planet. As G~d is my witness, I felt as if I could put my arm around Jesus Christ. It was an unbelievable; I was walking on a cloud.

To this day I would still do it again.

"My first priority was to save her life," Batista said at a news conference in Garden City, New York. "The second bonus was to turn the marriage around."

She might have been eternally grateful, having had two failed transplants, already, but she filed for divorce in July 2005. Furthermore, Dr. Batista claims she began having an extramarital affair 18 months to two years after receiving the kidney transplant.

"Our judges are not willing to value such assets, so to speak."
- Manhattan attorney Susan MossOf course, she cannot give him back the kidney itself, so he is merely demanding wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him.

"The good doctor is out of luck and out a kidney," Manhattan attorney Susan Moss said. "This is similar to cases where a husband wants to be repaid for the cost of breast implants and the such. Our judges are not willing to value such assets, so to speak."

The Batistas were married on August 31, 1990, and have three children, now ages 14, 11 and 8. We certainly hope they work things out, as it is unlikely she will find another man of that kidney.

The editors would like to assure our audience that the author of that last joke was punished with the sort of severe blow to the lower back which is illegal in boxing.