English Class Photoshoot: "Set Sail for Spring Break"

So, here's the story:
Isaiah and I are currently on Spring Break. I was not given very much homework to do over the break, only two assignments. One was a tiny worksheet from French class that I finished in a snap. The other was an assignment from my English teacher: we had to take a picture of ourselves reading something over the break, and make it as creative as we wanted to.
Now, unlike some of my classmates, I read a lot, so there's nothing special about a picture of me reading. So I decided to have some fun with it, and dressed up in a huge, full pirate costume left over from Isaiah's last birthday party.
But I wasn't going to get in this whole costume for just one photo, so after drafting Isaiah as a cameraman, we ended up making a big photoshoot, shot at a nearby park. At the end of the morning, we were filthy*, tired, and grinning from ear to ear. The end result is very silly, and was quite fun to make. We hope you enjoy it here.

*=Isaiah wasn't actually filthy. He had stayed away from all of the digging and setup because, quote, "I'm the cameraman and I need to take 'behind the scenes' pictures of all this stuff. Next he'll want to direct.

מטקות

Matkot is called Israel's Unofficial National Sport". Literally, it means "racquets", and comes from the plural of the Hebrew word מטקה, meaning racquet or paddle.

The racquets are traditionally made entirely of wood, although sometimes the handles are reinforced with a plastic covering. The head of a racquet may vary somewhat in size and shape. In Israel, the heads are essentially circular and a little less than a foot in diameter.

The standard ball used is the same ball as is used in squash. However, novice and intermediate players sometimes use a ball that is similar in size to a squash ball, but is lighter and/or bouncier.

It is also called Beach Tennis. A Brazilian version which uses slightly different racquets is more commonly known as frescoball.

The rules are simple: keep hitting the ball back and forth. In professional tournaments, the goal is to get as many hits as you can in three minutes, without dropping even once.

Bill O with Another Hard-Hitting Interview

Nuff said? Oh, yeah. I think so.



If you reilly don't get it...

A Modern Ethical Dilemma

So a man by the name of Chris C- used my email address for his Netflix account. This is very frustrating, as I get constant messages from Netflix about his efforts to reset passwords, change account settings, etc.

I actually logged in and changed the password. It turns out, he lives in Hemet, CA, not far from my sister in-law and her husband. He is "RETARIED", which, given his address and age, may mean "retired".

I called and left a message asking him to change his email, and explaining to what I had changed his password.

So here is the dilemma: how far am I allowed to go to make him change his account? I have added a poll so you can vote.

Also, on a totally unrelated note, what are the worst movies you can imagine someone sticking into your movie queue? And I don't just mean "Well, I didn't care for it much", I mean "Proof that Jesus Died in Vain" bad. I want movies so bad they become a by-word for 105 minutes of your life you will never get back and whose taint you may never purge from your soul, films which "sucked so bad that it made me question the validity of my own existence as a sentient being."

You know, just for curiosity's sake.

UPDATE: Chris C- changed the email. All that effort to convince Mindy to rub him out gently persuade him was obviously unnecessary.

Very Unexpected.

So, my friend's G-mail status said that she was "making a website". I said, jokingly, that if I had a website, I would call it "Isaac's Awesome Website".
Well, before I know it, she's made ME a website!
Great. I can barely keep up with Ten Sengi. Now I've got my own site to worry about.
I expect that in a few weeks it will fall into the Other-worldy horror of Never-Updated-Land, but for now, it's here.
Fortunately, it's one of those free website places, so my friend didn't have to pay to make it or anything.
Man, my own website...

Plants VS Zombies

Mom, Dad, Isaiah, and I have been playing a very fun (and funny) game lately called Plants VS Zombies. It is a very fun puzzle game, and by the time you finish adventure mode, the amount of other things you can do completely swamps you.
The Zombies and Plants did, however, manage to get along long enough to do one thing together...

I, Video Game?

So, Isaiah has been talking lately about how cool it would be to have a video (or computer) game about him. He says he'd call it "Isaiah Coleman's Cool Game for Attractive People" (a name which definitely does NOT have anything to do with one of our favorite computer games, "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People".)
At first, I thought it would be pretty cool, too.
Then I thought about what it would actually be like.
At the beginning of the game, you have to go to my shelf and grab a book. Then you would walk to the bedroom and click, "use BOOK with ISAAC on BED."
The next 5-and-a-half hours of the game would be me...reading. And sometimes going to the bathroom.
Then, if you wait for 5-and-a-half hours, there would be more stuff you have to do. You have to walk to the kitchen, and perform the action, "use ISAAC'S RIGHT HAND with FORK on FOOD."
Then an hour of eating and pleasant conversation.
Then sleeping for 10 hours.
Then you win.
The sequel would have the unbelievable excitement of going to school.
Unbelievably BORING UN-excitement!
I mean, I don't really mind going to school, and my teacher's awesome and fun, but it's not video game material.
So, I guess my video game won't be coming out for a while.
But check out this pixelated box art!

Congress: Taking Care of You

The Real Kung Fu Jews

... and the not-so real...

Dead, but Not Off-Line

The Apocalypse may be overdue, but at least it will not prevent e-mail.

For example, there is the Harwich, Mass.-based Web site YouveBeenLeftBehind.com (whose link I accidentally forgot to include) promises to save your advice for relatives and friends whom you fear might not make it to Heaven should the end of the world occur.

The computer system is designed to detect the Rapture: A group of several faithful families, geographically dispersed, log into the system daily, and their failure to do so trips the switch. In that event, the system presumes those families were taken up in the Rapture, and sends out your last-chance advice to a list of 60 or more addressees.

Several hundred customers have signed up to pay $14.95 per year, since the site launched a year ago.

"I did set up a message to go to my wife," said Mark Heard, founder of the site. "She was the inspiration for the whole thing because she's not really on board with me in this belief."

Overall, funeral directors expect baby boomers will attempt to create a vibrant online life after death, especially Facebook, which I refuse to join, despite the fact that most of my extended family is using it to the exclusion of telling me what is going on in their lives.

The Apocalypse...with a side of Bacon?!?

Dad, perhaps your hope for the apocalypse has finally come true.
Recently, as we learned at EL, there has been an epidemic of Swine Flu in Israel, Canada, Mexico, and many other places. The United States seems to be one of the few places where it is not hitting hard, though, so don't worry. However, many fear that this will be the biggest pandemic since smallpox.
My friends, who have teased me so long about how terrible it is fro me that I can't eat bacon, now call me lucky.
That, to me, is the biggest indication that something is very wrong.
Swine Flu mostly affects those with weak immune systems, such as very young children and the elderly.
I am a twelve-year-old non-pig eater, so I'm not too worried about it.
Are you?

Encore--one more time!

At school, my fellows* and I are performing a music program called "Encore--The music of our times." It has fifty songs, with seven acts, and we have dances for each and every song.
I really wanted to have the solo for Spinning Wheel, by Blood, Sweat, and Tears, but instead, I'm singing I Want to Hold Your Hand, by the Beatles. It worked out, though, because I'm paired with one of my best friends. Yes, there are only two Beatles. There were originally going to be four, but they changed that. Our music teacher says that it's because, in their later years, there were only two Beatles. However, I have a suspicion that it has something to do with the fact that only two of us tried out for the quartet.
I assume Mom will be taking pictures that we can put on the site, but we'll see how that goes.

*=fellow fifth and sixth graders, that is

For What‽

The Kansas City Chiefs have traded Tony Gonzales, the best tight end in the business, to the Atlanta Falcons Tony Gonzalez for a draft pick next year. A second-round draft pick.

On Tuesday, the Chefs signed unrestricted free-agent TE Sean Ryan, and announced they have waived OT Andrew Carnahan, LB Curtis Gatewood and WR Kevin Robinson.

In related news, it would appear that new Chefs general manager Scott Pioli has apparently traded mascot KC Wolf for a couple of brats, and the entire cheer squad for "a really cool grill".

"This was a bad move by the Chiefs," says ESPN.com's Bill Williamson, "And it was a move that makes it difficult to believe they will be improved in 2009 because of it."

The Chefs insisted they also improved their chances for success in 2009 by making the trade, but all I can say is "Great Googaly Moogaly."

UPDATE: Joe Posnanski says it all:

And when the Chiefs announced the deal Thursday, I just kept thinking back to the way he would tuck away the ball every time he caught it. It's the simplest thing, the most basic fundamental, but I've never seen anyone else do it every time the way Gonzalez does. Through good and bad, through wins and too many losses, through contract squabbles and record-breaking days, he always tucked the ball away.

There really isn't much more you can ask of a man.

Woman Without Man

What would women look like without men? I believe science has given us some idea.

Experts have discovered a South American species that is exclusively female and reproduces asexually by cloning the queen. Reproduction without sex is fairly common in the ant world, but the Mycocepurus smithii is the first known to be a male-free species.

And aren't they lovely little ladies? Don't you just want to pucker up?
No? You don't want to kiss that face?

Then we had better keep buying bicycles for fish.

We Will Rock You

Featuring:

• Atari 800XL was used for the lead piano/organ sound
• Texas Instruments TI-99/4a as lead guitar
• 8 Inch Floppy Disk as Bass
• 3.5 inch Harddrive as the gong
• HP ScanJet 3C for all vocals.

They can also take you to Funkytown.

One Turkey of a Honeymoon

"She was so excited she teared up," the groom said.And wouldn't you?

Bruce and Rene Thompson of Louisville, Tennessee, dated for roughly a year-and-a-half, trying such things as turkey hunting, deep sea fishing, deer hunting, her first hunt for shed antlers, and finally decided to get married.

They went to Jamaica for the wedding, which is good, then came back to East Tennessee in time for opening day of turkey season. Which is bad.

Turkey hunting as the honeymoon is a sign the Apocalypse is overdue.

Pronounce This

There is a lake in the town of Webster, Massachusetts. It is located near the Connecticut border, is 3-miles long, 1-mile wide, and has a surface area of 1,442 acres.

Although commonly called Webster Lake, the name recognized by the U.S. Department of the Interior is Lake Chaubunagungamaug. The Algonquian-speaking peoples who are the first known residents of the area had several different names for the lake - such as "Chabanaguncamogue" and "Chaubanagogum" - as recorded on old maps and historical records. However, all of these were similar in part and had almost the same translation: "fishing place at the boundary".

But there is another name, meaning approximately "Englishmen at Manchaug at the fishing place at the boundary". This delightful moniker was applied in the 19th century when White people built factories in the area.

The most common spelling of this is Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg. Spelled with 45 letters, it is the longest place name in the United States and 6th longest in the world.

An even longer, 49-letter version of the name, "Chargoggagoggmanchauggauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg" has been used, but is basicaly just showing off. Also, the tongue-in-cheek translation "You Fish on Your Side, I Fish on My Side, Nobody Fish in the Middle" is totally spurious - coming as it does from a humorous article Larry Daly, editor of The Webster Times, wrote around 1916. Equally farcical is the tale of the half-drowned Indian.

So, give a try pronouncing Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg and then enjoy a clip of these locals trying it.

Richard D. Cazeault, president of the nonprofit Webster Lake Association, is first, and I would swear he gets it wrong, but that may just be the wind in the mic.

And if you think it is hard to pronounce, you should try to spell it.

But DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK unless you want the Lake Song stuck in your head.

Trek Yourself

Madden Retires

John Madden is retiring. Yea!

He will be replaced by Cris Collinsworth. No!

Actually, I should be nice. Madden needed to retire more than Bret Favre, but he certainly brought a lot to the game. I do not question or claim his knowledge of the game or his insight. Honestly, I learned a lot about football from Madden.

This fall will be the first time since Madden's freshman year of high school that he won't be involved in football as a player, coach or analyst. That was, apparently, in the Mesozoic.

Unfortunately, in recent years, it seems harder and harder to watch him. There has been a lot more wandering, meandering, non-sensical ramblings, and less actually paying attention to the game.

Robert Thompson, director of the Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University says this: "I would not call John the most articulate or analytical mind, but he brought to a football broadcast knowledge and fun that worked even if you didn't care about the game. He was a vaudevillian in the booth."

Not to mention the ridiculous food, or the turducken, which gives me the heeby-jeebies.

As for his replacement, perhaps the least flamboyant wide-receiver in the NFL and the most bland color commentator in the business...

I will sure miss Madden.

Journalism

Here in Kansas City, we find ourselves situated between two of the finest journalism schools in the nation. Which does nothing to explain why the Kansas City Star is such a worthless rag.

However, there are places where the fine art of journalism is still practiced, in Fiji, for example.

Fiji's military ruler Frank Bainimarama has cracked down on the press, posting censors in the offices of newspapers and radio and television stations, ordering foreign journalists out of the country, and shutting down the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's radio transmitters. The Fiji Daily Post newspaper has apparently decided to respond in the most appropriate way I can imagine.

Headlines in Wednesday's edition included Man gets on bus, Breakfast as usual, and Paint Dry.

"It just went on wet, but after about four hours, it started to dry".

"That was when I realised, paint dries," the young scholar observed.

Fiji Daily Post asked Max if he intended to do more painting.

"Oh yes," he replied, "I like watching paint dry."

To be honest, we can get reporting this good, locally, but with less justification. Also, the Star's writing is not usually this gripping:

Staff gasped with delight when Fiji Daily Post receptionist Lupe said her breakfast was a cup of latte coffee along with toasted currant bread...

Volunteer attachment Tim said he threw up for breakfast as he had had too much fried chicken the night before.

In truth, though, it is hard to top the first story:

What happened next was a remarkable feat – the man actually got on the bus, we believe.

Students from a local school who had been waiting for two hours in the rain for the bus also confirmed that they saw the man board.

"We are happy for him", one student remarked in terms reminiscent of Neil Armstrong (the first man to step onto the moon): "it may be one small step for him, but it is one giant step for the people of Fiji".

How effective was the coverage?

The following day, Fiji military's did an abrupt about-face on media freedom, at least for internationals.

Meanwhile, harsh media censorship is still in place for local journalists, who must have stories vetted by government officials and have been warned against any negative portrayals of the Government. And, while you can read the local news section on-line, efforts are under way to prevent residents or tourists of Fiji from sharing that privilege.

PS. Despite its illustrious history, the Star is pathetic. I may know the reason.

However, it does have Joe Posnanski.